Zoids: Fun with Phones
by Biowolf
Summary: Check out all the things Zoid characters do with their phones! Fourth chapter up! Woohoo!!!
1. Answering Machine Messages

Disclaimer: Zoids isn't mine. Or yours. It belongs to…uh…somebody.

Author's Notes: Whoopee! I'm back from vacation and ready to be obsessed with Zoids again! This WILL have strong language sometimes and deal with…uh…adult stuff, so you kiddies better stay out. 

Zoids: Fun with Phones

Answering Machine Messages

Zoids Zero:

Bit: "…………………………um…..Jamie, is this thing on? Oh! It is?! Uh, yeah! I knew that! Well, uh…hi, Bit speaking. I'm not here right now…wait a minute! That's not right! I am here right now making this message. But when I'm not here then you can leave a message after the beep that supposed to come after I stop talking………………………um, I'm done now, Jamie………………….How do you turn it off?………..stop looking at me like that…………seriously, what do I have to do?……………..which button?……oh this-*beep*"

Leena: "Shhhh…I've gone into hiding, so try to speak softly when you leave your message. I don't want Harry to find me. If you're part of the Blitz Team, then press one and send me money and food so I can keep hiding from Harry longer. If you're Harry, then please hang up. If you're someone else, then please, please, pretty please send me some money! I'm just a poor defenseless girl hiding from my stalker! I beg you, please help me! So leave a message after the beep and I'll pick up your donation as soon as possible. *beep*"

Brad: "I just want to get this over with as fast as possible, so press one if you're Naomi. If you're someone else, fuck off. I don't want to talk to you. *beep*"

Jamie: "Hi, this is Jamie. I cannot come to the phone right now because I'm busy all day taking care off the rest of the Blitz Team. You know, doing their laundry, cleaning the base and hover cargo, cleaning the Zoids, cooking their meals, helping Bit program his phone, sweeping the floor, being their slave, planning battle strategies, changing their bed sheets, fixing the TV, being their slave, washing the dishes, being their slave, and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SICK OF EVERYTHING! I NEED TO RELAX! BUT ALL THEY DO IS WHINE AND WHINE AND WHINE!!!! I NEED TO GET RID OF THEM!! I HAVE TO KILL THEM ALL! KILL THEM ALL!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA-*beep*"

Doc: "Hiya! Steve Toros here! I can't come to the phone right now because I'm "bonding" with my Zoid models, but I'll get back to you after I'm done. Oh yeah! If you're Layon, then press one and make sure that our battle includes 10 times the normal amount of prize money or it's off. If you're looking to collect money that I uh, _might_, owe you, then try calling back in a few years. If you're Bit, then you'd better pay up for the Liger's……oh, hey Jamie! How are ya' doing? Could you leave the room for a bit? I'm trying to record a message…why are you looking at me like that?……….and what's that axe for?……No! NO! STAY AWAY FROM ME! NOOO!! AAAAHHHHHH-*beep*"

Harry: "Hi! You've reached Harry Champ, a man destined to be king! I'm not available at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible, especially if you're Leena! Anyway, If you're Bit Cloud, press one and I'll make sure to get my father to send a couple nuclear missiles your way, heh heh. If you're my sister, then buzz off and leave me alone, you freaky little bitch. If you're Leena, then press two and I swear by our eternal holy love I shall get back to you as soon as fate will allow. Leena, my love, we are destined to be together! Our love is like a field of beautiful flowers the never die! Nothing can ever get between us, and we will always-*beep*"

Jack: "Hey dude! What's up? Big daddy Jack here! Sorry, but I can't reach the phone right now man, but I'll be sure to get back to ya! Ya see, I'm on a mission to catch this crazy dude, Jamie. He used ta be nice and all, but one day he just went all psycho, ya know? Well, anyway, press one if you're one of the Tasker sisters, and Big Daddy Jack will be waiting for ya in your bed, heh.  If you're one of those crazy fangirls and want to have a ride on my Lightning Saix or me, heh, press two to set up an appointment, but you might have to wait a few years cuz I'm pretty much booked right now. Yo, well, that's about it! This is Big Daddy Jack signing off. Catch you later. *beep*"

Mary: "Hi sweetie! This is Mary Champ! I can't come to the phone right now but eeeeeeerruughuh eeeeek bleeeeehk I neeeeeeed aaaa beeeeeer I neeeeed alcoooohooool eeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrk hick hick hick I'm maaaalfuuuntioooniiing heeeelp meeeeeee bleeeerugughhhuh eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaa-*beep*"

Naomi: "Press one if you're Brad and we'll bang each other later. Hang up if you're not Brad. *beep*"

Vega: "Hi, this is Vega! Right now I'm holding Sarah hostage until she agrees to stay the heck away from me, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Oh, and one more thing. I'd like someone to call Jack Sisco for me and tell him that I saw Jamie the Madman eating fries in his favorite McDonalds. Kay, see ya! *beep*"

Sarah: "HEEEEELLLLP MEEEEEEE!! SOMEBODY PLEEEAASE HELP MEEEEE!!! SAVE ME FROM VEGA!!! HE IS EVIILL!!! HELP ONLY LOOKS INNOCENT! I'LL DO ANYTHING! JUST PLEASE HELP MEEEEE-*beep*"

Leon: "Hi, this is Leon Toros. I'm currently being stalked by thousands of fangirls right now, so if you are capable of being an excellent body guard then I could really use your help! If you're Vega, then press one and we'll discuss the terms about me borrowing the Berserk Fury so I can get rid off all those fangirls, heh. If you have something to tell me, then please leave your message after the beep. *beep*"

Layon: "Mmmmmmm…mmmmmm…I looooove instant noodles. Yummy yum yum! Hm? Oh, it's on. Press one if you're Toros. I WILL GET MY REVENGE! I WILL!!! HAHAHAHA!!!…..mmmm, noodles. Good noodles. *beep*"

Guardian Force:

Van: "Hey, Van here. Thanks for calling. I'm kind of busy right now, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible after I eat something because I'm REALLY hungry. If you're Fiona, press one to leave me a time to come by your place and I promise I'll use protection this time. I mean it, Fiona, I really will this time. If you're a member of the Guardian Force, press two and I'll fetch Zeke and rev up the Blade Liger for battle. I hope it's Raven this time, and not Riece. Damn she just plain creepy! If you're Raven, then press three. AND I DARE YOU TO COME OVER HERE AND FIGHT ME! I SWEAR I'LL BEAT YOU THIS TIME! I'LL BEAT YOOUUUU!!!! BWAHAHAHAAHAAA-…Er..uh, yeah. If you're…NO ZEKE! YOU KEEP AWAY FROM THAT! IT'S MINE! NO-NO-NO! NO! PLEASE! DON'T! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! MY PAPAYA!! HOW COULD YOU EAT IT, ZEKE!?! MY PAPAYA!! MY BEAUTIFUL PAPAYA! NOOOOOO-*beep*"

Fiona: "Hello. This is Fiona. Press one if you want to buy drugs from me. I have a large supply for you to choose from. Press two if you are Raven, Hiltz, or Riece and I'll tell you valuable information about Van for a price, since I need money for an abortion. Press three if you're Van, and we'll discuss what you're going to do now that you've got me pregnant…..eehhhh…. I need a cigarette….*beep*"

Irvine: "Hi, this is Irvine. I don't feel like talking to anybody so get lost…..HEY! What the fuck do you think you're doing, kid?!! Get out of here or else!!….Stop looking at me like that! It's creeping me out!!…Oh, fuck. He's got an axe! HE'S GOT AN AXE!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH-*beep*"

Moonbay: "Hey, Moonbay here. If you have a papaya, I'd like to buy it, please, so that Van will stop bothering me about Zeke eating his last one. If you'd like to leave a message, just wait for the beep, okay? Right now I've got to go save Irvine from the crazy kid with the axe, so bye! *beep*"

Raven: "This is Raven. I'm not available at the moment, and I doubt I'd get back to you even if you do leave a message. If you're Hiltz or Riece, don't bother me. I hate the both of you. If you're anybody but Van, hang up because I don't care about you. If you're Van, leave a message after the beep and I'll be sure to make your life a living hell. If you have a message for Shadow, then you may also leave it after the beep. If you try to sell me something, then I WILL kill you. *beep*"

Dr. D: "I only want to talk to you if you can sell me drugs, otherwise don't bother me. *beep*"

Thomas and Karl Shubaltz: "……………………………………………………………………..you say it………….no, you!……………….no way!..shhhhh…….it's on………….come on, do it!……………..I can't…………….I know you can……come on……..oh, all right………………………..FART!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAAAA-*beep*"

Riece: "You have reached Riece's fortune-telling hotline! If you need your fortune told then you've come to the right place! I can show you all the horrible details of your miserable sorry life! I can predict all the suffering you are going to go through in your future! And I predict it'll only cost you ten bucks! So just leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I find where Specular hid my house keys. Have a terrible day! Bye! *beep*"

Hiltz: "Hi. This is Hiltz. You have just reached a number you are not supposed to know, but if you are the Dark Kaiser, Riece, or Raven, press one please. If you are a member of the Guardian Force, press two and I'll make sure to destroy you when I get back. If you are anyone else, then hang up now and I hope your day is filled with mind-shattering pain and endless misery. Good bye. *beep*" 

Well that's it for the first chapter of Zoids: Fun with Phones. If you want to phone any of the characters and ask them questions or whatever, then leave them in a review. 

Review please!


	2. Phone Calls and Pranks

Author's Notes: I actually planned to work on my Pokemon fic, but since I got so many great reviews, I thought, _Hey! Screw Pokemon, I'm going to work on this instead!_ So here's the next chapter.

Phone Calls and Pranks 

            Biowolf sits in a comfortable chair and is holding a bundle of index cards. A table with a phone is on one side of her, and on the other, bound in heavy chains and gagged, is Jamie the Madman, with his trusty Axe of Doom carefully placed ten feet away from him.

Biowolf: "Hey! Thanks for the great reviews! I appreciate them! Some of you guys wanted to ask our happy little friends questions, so I'm going to call them and see what they have to say! It's going to be a lot of fun, isn't that right, Jamie?"

Jamie (_angrily_): "Mmmph mmm mnph mmmph!"

Biowolf: "Yeah, whatever. Well, now it's time for the first question!"

Jamie: "Grrrrrrr. Mmph!"

Biowolf (_glares at Jamie_): "It's from Mistress of All Worlds! She wants to…(_glances at a card)_…tell Leena that if she needs someone to kill Harry, that she knows millions of ways to make Harry's life a living hell! So let's give Leena a call and see what she has to say!"

            Biowolf reaches over and picks up the phone, then dials Leena's number. She waits as the phone rings a few times, and finally Leena answers.

Leena (_softly_): "Who are you?"

Biowolf: "Biowolf…"

Leena (_relieved_): "Good! Can I have some money?"

Biowolf: "Uh, no. I would like to tell you something, though."

Leena: "Yeah?"

Biowolf: "Mistress of All Worlds wants to tell you that she knows a million ways to make Harry Champ's life a living hell if you wa-"

Leena (_screaming insanely_): "HARRY! HARRY!!! NOOOO!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH-*click*"

Biowolf: "Uh, sorry, Mistress of All Worlds, but Leena is, uh, "not available" any more, sorry. Your question freaked her out. I feel sorry for the poor girl. I guess we'll just have to move on to the next question."

            Biowolf looks down at her index cards for a brief moment.

Biowolf: "Well it looks like two people have questions for Thomas and Karl Shubaltz! First up is Schala85! She (I'm assuming you're a girl) wants to know if Karl has a girlfriend yet, and if he knows that he's the coolest, most handsome person there is and that Irvine has nothing on him!"

            Biowolf leans over and dials the Shubaltz brothers' number. Almost immediately, the call is answered.

Thomas: "Fiona?"

Biowolf: "Sorry, I'm not Fiona."

Thomas (_dejectedly_): "Oh…well who are you?"

Biowolf: "I'm-"

Thomas: "Who are you?"

Biowolf: "I'm Bio-."

Thomas: "Who are you?"

Biowolf: "STOP ASKING ME THAT! I'M BIOWOLF!!!"

Thomas: "Oh. Well why didn't you say so?"

Biowolf (_covers the phone with a pillow and screams as loud as she can, then calms down again_): Forget it, Thomas. I just want to talk to Karl, okay?"

Thomas (_sniffs and is about to cry_): "No one ever wants to talk to me! It's always Karl!"

Biowolf: "Aww. It's okay, Thomas. I need to talk to you too. I just have to talk to Karl first."

Thomas (_happy again_): "Okay! I'll go get Karl!"

            Biowolf waits for a few minutes while Thomas goes to find Karl. Jamie, meanwhile, starts making weird noises. Karl finally gets to the phone.

Karl: "Hello?"

Biowolf: "Hi Karl! I'm Biowolf and I need to ask you something!"

Karl (_suspicious_): "What?"

Biowolf: "Schala85 wants to know if you have a girlfriend yet?"

Karl (_even more suspicious_): "No, why?"

Biowolf: "Because she thinks that you're the coolest and most handsome guy there is and that you're _way_ better than Irvine!"

Karl: "Really? Well tell her that I'm flattered, because most of the women today are chasing after Raven."

            Jamie starts making croaking noises, and Biowolf looks over at him to see why he's doing that. She realizes the cause when Raven, eyes wide with unimaginable fear, dashes madly by, followed closely by a mob of his fangirls, all of whom are holding "screw me" signs (I am SO going to get flames for that!) and waving "Kill Van" flags.

Biowolf: "I see what you mean, Karl. (_glances down at index card_) I have a few more questions for you."

Karl: "Ask away."

Biowolf: "Kay. I have a bunch of questions from Aries of Attitude. First Question: Who are your parents and what are they like?"

Karl (_with tiny voice_): "I'd…really prefer not to talk about them."

Biowolf: "Why?"

Karl: "……."

Biowolf (_screaming so Thomas can hear_): "THOMAS!"

Thomas (_grabs phone away from Karl_): "Yeah?"

Biowolf: "Who are your parents and what are they like?"

Thomas (_with Karl screaming "NO" in the background_): "Our parents? Sure, I'll tell you about them. I'm not embarrassed like Karl, in fact, I'm proud of them! Our parents are Rebecca Shubaltz and Batman!"

Biowolf: "…….Batman?"

Thomas: "Yep! Now to answer the other part of the question. We all know what Batman's like! He fights crime and is a superhero! Our mom, though, she is really nice, and both Karl and I love her a lot. She likes to play shuffleboard and watch Jurassic Park movies! See, our dad couldn't stay with her or else she'd be in danger from his enemies, but that's okay. She, Karl, and I all still love him!"

Biowolf: "Uh…….yeah. Thanks Thomas! Could you give the phone to Karl now?"

Thomas: "Sure! Here you go, Karl!"

Biowolf: "Okay, Karl. Next question: What's the best story you can remember about Thomas?"

Karl (_happy now that things are working in his favor_): "Hmm…let's see. Ah! Got it! One time when Thomas was about eight years old, he was invited to one of his friend's birthday parties. He and his friends were making cakes, and Thomas was really enjoying it. That is, until, not looking, he accidentally dipped his fingers into a cup of glue that was sitting near his can of icing without knowing it. (_Karl cracks up and laughs for moment_) And then he decided to scratch his head so he puts his hands in his hair and …(_Karl cracks up again_) …one of his hands got stuck in his hair! He ended up having to have half of his hair shaved off! It was so funny!!! (_Karl starts laughing uncontrollably and Thomas uses this moment to grab the phone_)"

Thomas: "My turn!"

Biowolf: "Heh, heh, okay Thomas, what's the best story you can remember about Karl?"

Thomas: "Okay. Uh…yeah! That's it! It happened when Karl was only six. Mom had taken him out to get ice cream that day, and he decided to get rocky road, I believe. Anyway, later on they were walking down a street when Mom stopped to check out a street cart that was selling hats, but Karl kept going. He was looking up at all the buildings, and not … (_Thomas laughs for a while_) watching where he was going, so he ended up walking right into wet cement where a sidewalk was being built! (_Thomas cracks up and laughs for three minutes straight_) Of course he started crying and struggling to get out, but that only made it worse! He got his hands dirty in the wet cement, and then he somehow got it in his hair! Since no one could get it out in time, it dried and Karl had to have his whole head shaved! (_Thomas laughs insanely_)"

Biowolf (_laughs for a while then waits for Thomas to recover_): "Okay Thomas, one more question. What was the worst girlfriend Karl ever had?"

Thomas: "I can't answer that because Karl's never had a girlfriend. Ever. But there was this one time when a freaky lady with a mustache and an eye patch started to hit on Karl, and that almost made him run screaming. He did manage to get away from her after a while, though."

Biowolf: "Thanks, Thomas. But I'm afraid that that's all. Say bye to Karl for me."

Thomas: "Sure. See ya."

Biowolf: "Bye."

            Biowolf hangs up the phone, and looks at Jamie, who has somehow turned himself upside down in his chair.

Biowolf: "Uh, yeah. Whatever, Jamie."

Jamie: "Mmmph!"

Biowolf: "Well we have one more phone call to make and then it will be time for the big event of the day! Let's see…(_glances at another index card_), we have to call Leon next!"

            Biowolf dials Leon's number, and Leon answers fairly quickly.

Leon: "Hello?"

Biowolf: "Hi, I'm Biowolf, and my friend Naomi Hunter wants to, uh, "be your body guard" if you catch my drift."

Leon: "No-*click*"

            Biowolf hangs up.

Biowolf: "Eh, heh heh, um, that didn't go very well. Sorry, Naomi Hunter. I guess after being stalked by thousands of fangirls Leon didn't want, uh, "a body guard" in that way." 

            A thump startles Biowolf. She looks around to see what happened, and finds out that Jamie has fallen out of his chair.

Biowolf: "Okay, Jamie. I'll untie you if you promise to do a favor for me."

Jamie (_nodding vigorously_): "Mmph!"

Biowolf: "I want you to run over to Hiltz's place and destroy his furniture, okay?"

Jamie (_nodding_): "Mmph!"

            Biowolf unties Jamie, who cackles madly and grabs his Axe of Doom and runs off.

Biowolf: "Okay. It's time for the main event! Prank Calls! Today I shall call Hiltz! He will be the victim even though he's my favorite person from Zoids Guardian Force."

            Biowolf leans over and dials Hiltz's number, that she is not supposed to know. After a few minutes, Biowolf finds out that Hiltz is at his house when he picks up his phone.

Hiltz: "Hello?"

Biowolf: "……."

Hiltz (_starting to get irritated_): "Hello?!"

Biowolf: "……."

Hiltz (_getting really pissed off_): "WHO'S THERE!?!"

Biowolf (_in a low, creepy voice_): "Hiltz…."

Hiltz: "Huh?"

Biowolf (_in a low, creepy voice_): "Look behind you, Hiltz…."

Hiltz: "Wha- OH FUCK! (_insane laughter is heard in the background along with sounds of massive destruction_) I'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!! AMBIENT!!!-*click*"

            Biowolf calmly hangs up, then bursts out laughing and snorting. 

Biowolf: "Looks like Jamie came through for me. Ah, that was fun. Too bad it was the last thing of the day. But don't worry. There's more to come. I've got plenty more insane ideas, like in the next chapter there's going to be something called: "Brad's Phone Adventure". Well anyway, if you have questions, leave them in a review, and if you don't have questions, review anyway. I'll catch you later!"


	3. Brad's Phone Adventure; More Phone Calls...

Author's Notes: You know, people learn new things all the time. Like how I found out a little while ago that it was Ambient who killed Raven's parents and not Shadow. It's funny how one mistake can be posted on a webpage and then it's all over the internet because everyone copies off of each other. Oh yeah, one more thing. I found a great site to buy Zoid models off of! I've already got the Konig Wolf, and it's really cool! The instructions are in Japanese though, but that's not a problem because they've got all the pretty pictures showing you what to do! And it only takes about a week for the Zoids to get to your house, and I've just got the Berserk Fury and a Lightning Saix (The Lightning Saix walks really fast and the Fury is really hard to build. And my sister got the Geno Breaker, and that's even harder because of the thing on its back. The Geno Breaker also comes with Shadow and Raven action figures, but the Raven is red, but paint can fix that. I personally think that the Fury is better than the Geno Breaker because the Fury has a walking mode and a charged particle beam mode, and the Breaker only walks). This site lets you order any Zoid, so you're not limited to the crappy American selection! If you want to know what this site is, then e-mail me and ask. My address is Duowolf@aol.com

Brad's Phone Adventure

Brad Hunter was having a really bad day. He was pissed off and ready to strangle the next person who bugged him. It seemed that everything had gone wrong for him that day. Jamie had accidentally set fire to Brad's pancakes while he was cooking them and Brad had burned himself while trying to help put out the flames. The Doc had been playing with his Zoid models and decided to pretend that they were having an adventure at the beach, and he had decided that Brad's bathroom would be the beach. The Doc had screwed up Brad's bathroom so badly that it was hardly recognizable. Leena had chained herself to the refrigerator after she found out that Bit was eating her food again, so no one could eat anything since Leena had a few large knives with her. Fortunately Bit wasn't there since he had gone treasure hunting for parts again.

Brad was now sitting on a couch pretending that he wasn't hungry. He hoped that Leena would soon have to go to the bathroom so he could run in and grab some food before she got back. He also hoped that she wouldn't pee on the floor instead of going to the bathroom, because then he would never have the chance to get food and eat.

Brad was really getting bored now, and he decided to watch TV. He flicked channels until something caught his eye. It was Steve Irwin the Croc Hunter on Animal Planet! And his arm was being chewed on by a huge snake! Fascinated by all the blood, Brad watched as Steve went "Ow! Ow! Ow!". Then Brad got bored again when the scene changed and all the blood went away. He flicked to another channel. This time it was Cartoon Network! And Sailor Moon was on. Brad watched the girls with the skirts twirl around with magical wands shouting things that had to do with love. He wondered why their enemies didn't kill them when they were twirling around for ten minutes. Finally Brad had had enough of the girl with long spaghetti hair and turned off the TV. The TV helped a little but Brad was still bored and pissed off.

Right after Brad had turned off the idiot box, Bit walked in, smelling like the stuff dogs like to roll in. 

Bit screamed at Brad, "HI BRAD! HOW ARE YOU, TODAY?"

Brad ignored Bit hoping that IT would go away.

Bit shrieked, "MY DAY WAS GREAT! I GOT ALL DIRTY AND I SMELL!!!"

Brad's eye twitched.

Bit screamed like a girl, "I LIKE TO EAT APPLE PIE AND HEAT IT UP FOR HALF AN HOUR SO THAT IT MAKES MY THROAT ALL NICE AND TINGLY AND WARM WHEN I SWALLOW!!!"

Brad's hands started to shake.

Bit took out a cell phone and shrieked, "LOOKIE HERE, BRAD! I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE THIS NEW ELECTRIC-UH-CITY LIGHTER!"

A vein in Brad's forehead started to pulse rapidly.

Bit screamed again, "WHAT'S WRONG BRAD? HOW COME YOU'RE NOT TALKING TO ME??!!"

Brad started to sweat and glared at Bit.

Bit shrieked, "I KNOW WHAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER!!!"

Then Bit jumped onto the couch Brad was sitting on and started to jump up and down singing a horrible tune about the Doc's underwear at the top of his lungs. And Brad couldn't take anymore.

"FUCK IT! I HATE YOU!" Brad screamed and pulled down Bit's pants and underwear and jammed the cell phone up Bit's ass. 

Bit screamed like a little girl and waddled as quickly as he could out of the room, screaming for Doc to do something about Brad and the phone up his butt, while Brad laughed his head off. 

Brad was now having a good day. A very good day.

More Phone Calls and The Contest

Biowolf once again sits in her chair with a phone on one side and Jamie the Madman, bound to the chair with a metal harness and gagged again, on the other. But there are three extra "guests" today. Karl Shubaltz and Raven are also there, but not tied up, instead they are there because Biowolf threatened to feed them to Jamie if they didn't show up. The third guest, who was mentioned in a review, is everyone's favorite insane sadistic pyromaniac! Dilandau Albatou from Escaflowne!

Biowolf: "Welcome back everybody! I hope you enjoyed "Brad's Phone Adventure"! Today I have some more questions for our characters, and a special event at the end!"

Raven (_to Karl_): "I bet you that the "special event" involves us."

Karl (_to Raven_): "Probably."

Raven (_to Karl_): "I bet you that it's going to be humiliating and painful."

Karl (_to Raven_): "I think you're probably right."

Biowolf: "Shut up, you two, or I'll have Jamie do something horrible to the both of you. Anyway, Fire Fox actually asked ME a question! Yippee! The question is: do I know anyone who can loan her a "Screw me" sign? My answer: Nope, I don't know anyone who can loan you one, but maybe you could find some Dilandau fangirls and ask them!"

Dilandau: "Hey! That's not funny!"

Biowolf: "Oh yeah! I almost forgot. I want to take over the world too, so you can't have Hiltz! He's mine! (_sticks out tongue_) And I agree with you that Van is perky, and that he must be destroyed!"

Dilandau (_angry_): "Van? You mean Van Fanel?"

Biowolf: "No, Dilandau. He's a different Van; the one from Zoids."

Dilandau: "Oh, well since he has the same first name as Van Fanel, then I must burn and kill him too!"

Biowolf: "I'm sure all the Raven fans would be happy if you did that, Dilandau."

Raven: "I wouldn't! I want to kill Van!"

Dilandau: "I want to kill ALL Vans!!!"

Raven: "I'm going to kill Van first!"

Dilandau: "Not in this life time!"

Biowolf: "SHUT UP! Dilandau, you can kill the Van from Escaflowne, and Raven, you can kill the Van from Zoids."

Dilandau: "But-" 

Biowolf: "Shut up or I'll feed you to Jamie the Madman."

As if on cue, Jamie's stomach growls and he starts drooling. Dilandau shuts up.

Karl: "I'm glad that's over. Can I take the next question?"

Biowolf: "Sure thing Karl! You haven't annoyed me yet!"

Karl (_takes an index card from Biowolf_): "Oh…no. Not another one! Oh well, it's from Shelly and I have to tell Schala85 that I can't go out with her character, because I'm engaged to Shelly's character."

Raven: "You're engaged?"

Karl: "Fangirls."

Raven: "Oh, I know how you feel."

Karl: "I know you do. That reminds me! How DID you get away from all those fangirls who were chasing you?"

Raven (_grins_): "That's a secret."

Karl: "Um, yeah. I have one more question from Shelly. Raven, what would you do if you saw Van on the side of the street?"

Dilandau: "VAN!"

Biowolf: "Settle down. He means the other Van."

Dilandau: "Oh."

Raven: "Hmm. There's lots of nasty things I'd love to do to him, but I'd think the best would be to-"

Dilandau: "Burn him!"

Raven: "Burn him? Hmm…I guess that's okay, but I would want him to suffer more."  
Dilandau: "You're talking to the master of torture. If you want Van to suffer, first you have to grab him and tie him down. Then stab him with knives all over his body, but don't push down too hard or he'll lose too much blood and he won't suffer as much. Then you have to burn him, but only on his legs and arms, and there will be lots of blood. That way he doesn't die as quickly and you are inflicting the maximum amount of pain because you've left his organs alone. One time I got this guy, but I wasn't being careful and I sliced off his head with my sword, then I chopped up his body, but he was already dead so he didn't feel any pain. That's why you need to leave his head and torso alone, so he can live longer while you torture him, and you can hear him scream if he still has his head. Since I cut off that guy's head, I didn't get to hear him screa-"

Biowolf: "That's enough Dilandau! I think Raven gets the point!"

Raven: "Yeah. But I have to admit that Dilandau is right about that. If I want to make Van suffer, then I-"

Biowolf: "Next question Karl!"

Karl: "Right. (_looks down at card_) Heh. Hey Dilandau! Infernos says that you got wasted by fangirls!"

Dilandau: "I most certainly did not!"

Biowolf: "Suuuure you didn't, Dilandau."

Dilandau: "That's right! For your information, I'm with Folk-"

Biowolf: "I knew it! You are Folken are together! Ha!"

Dilandau: "That reminds me. You really enjoyed that story about me and Folken in the Escaflowne section, didn't you?"

Biowolf: "Uhh…I don't know what you're talking about."

Dilandau: "Yes you do. What was it called again? Something about a coin and three sides…"

Biowolf (_pushes a secret button under the phone table, which unlocks Jamie from his chair_): "Jamie! Take him back to where he belongs!"

Jamie snickers and drags Dilandau, who is screaming bloody murder, from the room.

Biowolf: "Umm…heh. Okay, continue Karl."

Karl: "Okay. This is for Raven, from…someone who is irrelevant. Your Geno Breaker and Shadow are on the path you're running down, and they're covered with anti-fangirl spray, so you can use them to destroy the fangirls."

Raven: "I know. I've already found them. That's how I escaped from the fangirls, along with some help from two others."

Biowolf: "Who helped you?"

Raven: "That's a secret."

Jamie the Madman returns and sits down in his chair again, then Biowolf presses the button and locks him back in. Jamie growls at her, but she ignores him and silently refuses to give back his Axe of Doom.

Karl: "Infernos wants to call Riece and ask her to mind control Hiltz into loaning Raven his Death Stinger to fight the fangirls, who will go after Raven again eventually, or at least help him out using her Geno Saurer."

Biowolf (_picks up phone and dials Riece's number, who answers quickly_): "Hello? Riece?"

Riece: "Yes. How may I help you? Would you like to know about the suffering you will go through in the future?"

Karl (_takes phone from Biowolf, who smacks him upside the head_): "OW!"

Riece: "Huh? Was that pain I heard?"

Karl: "Never mind. Anyway, could you mind control Hiltz into lending Raven his Death Stinger so he can fight off the unending swarm of fangirls, or else help him out in your Geno Saurer?"

Riece: "Yeah, sure. Um….let's see…..where is Hiltz….I'm using my powers to find him so I don't have to get up……huh?…he's not at his house!….so where is he…."

Karl: "Have you found him yet?"

Riece: "No….Yes! He's at Biowolf's house!"

Karl shoots a look at Biowolf, who whistles innocently.

Karl: "Why's he at your house, Biowolf?"

Biowolf (_gives him the "Duh! Isn't it obvious!" look_): "He's my favorite character."

Karl (_disgusted_): "That's sick."

Biowolf (_grins_): "I don't care."

Riece: "Going to use mind control powers now I am. Make Hiltz give to Raven his Death Stinger I will."

Biowolf, Karl, and Raven: "Yoda freak! Yoda freak!"

Riece: "Fine then! (_sniffles and is_ _about to cry_) I won't do it! You're all so mean to me!!! (_starts crying_) WAAAAAAAH-*click*"

Biowolf and Karl: "Oops."

Raven: "HAHAHAHA!"

Biowolf: "Raven! That's mean! We already damaged her fragile mental stability and self-confidence!"

Raven: "So…"

Biowolf: "You should have laughed in her face, you dork!"

Raven: "I'll make sure to do that later."

Karl: "Both of you are weird. Anyway, since Riece broke down before she could get Hiltz to lend Raven his Death Stinger, then I guess we'll have to move on to the next question, which isn't a question. Okay…it's for Jamie, from Infernos, saying that you'll be more efficient in your killing spree if you use your Raynos."

Jamie: "Mmph mmm mmph mm!"

Biowolf: "Jamie says he knows that, and that he's having two huge axes installed on it right now!"

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Karl: "Isn't that bad?"

Biowolf: "I don't know what you mean."

Raven: "It's fine by me as long as he leaves Van alone so I can kill him."

Karl (_sweatdrops_): "Forget it. Anyway, E-307 is next in line for asking questions. The first question however, cannot be answered because it'll take Riece a few weeks to recover from her traumatic experience, so we'll just skip it and go to the next one."

Raven (_leans over to look at the index card in Karl's hand_): "Wait! I can answer some of it! I can't tell you your future, but even though she has psychic powers she can't find her keys because she's an idiot! HAHAHAHA!!!"

Karl: "Yes…thank you Raven for your "intelligent" answer."

Raven (_pissed off_): "Hey!"

Karl: "Let's move on. The next question is for Vega, from E-307 who wants to borrow his Berserk Fury for a while."

Biowolf calls Vega, who answers after six rings.

Biowolf: "Hi Vega! My friend wants to borrow the Berserk Fury for a while, so will you let him?"

Vega: "Sure, but don't blame me if the Fury kills your friend when he tries to get in the cockpit. Bye."

Biowolf: "See ya. (_hangs up_)"

Karl: "Wow, that was really positive."

Biowolf: "Yeah I know. It kind of feels weird."

Biowolf, Raven, Karl, and Jamie sit in silence for a few minutes.

Raven: "I want to kill Van's bloody heart. Blood, blood, blood!"

Biowolf, Karl, and Jamie snap out of the trance.

Biowolf: "Thanks for that, Raven."

Raven: "Your welcome. Blood!"

Karl: "Okay, here's another one from E-307. It's for Shadow: Why won't you go help out Raven already?"

Raven: "He did, but I'm still not going to tell you what exactly happened!"

Biowolf: "You will eventually, isn't that right, Jamie?"

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Raven: "Blood!"

Biowolf: "Tell us! OR ELSE!"

Raven (_looks at Jamie_): "Okay, fine, I'll tell. I was running from the fangirls when I found Shadow and my Geno Breaker. I climbed into it to escape from THEM and Shadow fused with my Zoid. Then I started firing charged particle beams at THEM, but their EVIL POWERS kept THEM from being killed. THEY just kept getting back up and running at me. So when I thought all hope was lost, Vega, in his Berserk Fury, and Jamie the Madman showed up and helped me hold THEM off until THEY were too tired to keep getting back up."

Karl (_freaked out from all the weirdness_): "Um….okay, the next question is from E-307 again, wanting to know if Jamie can be hired to cause massive destruction and doom."

Jamie: "Mmph!" 

Biowolf: "He says yes, he can. Just call 1-800-I-WANT-TO-KILL-PEOPLE-AND-TAKE-OVER-THE-WORLD-AND-CAUSE-LOTS-OF-DESTRUCTION-AND-MISERY-BUT-LEAVE-VAN-ALIVE-SO-RAVEN-CAN-KILL-HIM!"

Karl: "Really?"

Biowolf: "Yeah."

Raven: "Cool."

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Karl: "Whatever. Since you two, or three if Jamie counts, are so weird, then I will do this by myself."

Raven: "No way! It's my turn! (_pokes Karl in the eye and snatches the index card with all the questions on it_) Okay! Now I'm in charge. So I'm going to do it MY way! And if you have a problem with that then I'll kill you. I'm not going to call anybody, instead I'm going to answer the questions myself! Okay, Mistress of All Worlds has a lot of questions. The Doc can't give you all his models because he's in the hospital recovering from his injuries from his JAMIE ENCOUNTER! And I know who Fiona really likes; she likes Prozen! She only pretends to like Van! She's such a slut!"

Biowolf (_pokes Raven in the eye and snatches the index card away from him_): "Sorry, Mistress of All Worlds. Now I'll call Leena for you and ask if she would give you her Gun Sniper if you became her bodyguard to protect her from you-know-who *coughcoughVoldemortcoughcoughOrIsItHarrycoughcough*"

Biowolf dials Leena's number, and Leena answers after a while.

Leena (_whispering_): "Hello?"

Biowolf: "Hi Leena! It's me, Biowolf. And my friend, Mistress of All Worlds, would like to become your bodyguard to protect you from you-know-who, but you'd have to give her your Gun Sniper."

Leena (_very happy_): "Yes! Of course she can be my bodyguard and have my Gun Sniper! Just as long as she protects me from Voldemort! Bye! *click*"

Biowolf: "That was unexpected."

Raven: "I'm Harry Potter's father! Hahaha!"

Karl: "Really?"

Raven: "No, of course not, you dimwitted blondie-boy."

Karl (_offended_): "Hey!"

Biowolf: "…………um, yeah, Anyway, Mistress of All Worlds would also like to ask Bit who he really likes."

Biowolf calls Bit, who actually answers the phone for the first time of his life!

Bit: "Hi?"

Biowolf: "Hi Bit! I'm a stranger that you don't know, but can you tell me who you really like?"

Bit: "Sure. I have a crush on Raven!"

Biowolf: "Raven!?"

Bit: "Yeah…..who are you again?"

Biowolf: "I'm nobody. Bye."

Bit: "Bye Mr. Nobody! *click*"

Raven: "I don't like him. I need to kill him."

Biowolf: "I'm not going to stop you. Anyway, Karl, Mistress of All Worlds wants you to kill Thomas."

Karl: "Kill Thomas? I would never do that! I love my little brother and I would never even dream of killing him!"

Raven: "I'd kill him."

Karl: "No you won't!"

Raven: "Yes I will!"

Karl: "What about Van?"

Raven: "Oh! That's right! I need to kill Van first! Forget Thomas! I MUST kill Van!"

Biowolf: "………….Okay. Now it's Schala85's turn."

Karl: "Oh, no. Not her again!"

Biowolf: "And guess what! All the questions are for you again, Karl! Kay, how does it feel to be the person to fire the huge, cool gravity cannon?"

Karl: "Actually, it makes me want to shoot like crazy and destroy everything. I think it makes me feel like that because I can _feel_ the power flowing through me whenever I'm sitting in that chair and I think '_Hey! I need to destroy stuff_'!"

Biowolf: "Ooooookaaaay. So would you go out with her character Nayru?"

Karl: "Sure, but I'd rather go out with Schala85 because she said I was the coolest and most handsome person ever! (_blushes_)"

Raven: "Dork."

Karl: "I hate you."

Raven: "Good."

Biowolf (_looks at the rest of Schala85's review, and decides to not mention it because she feels Thomas gets bashed enough already, the poor guy_): "Okay. Now it's time for the special event of the day!"

Raven and Karl: "Nooooo!!"

Biowolf: "It's time for The Hottest Guy Contest between Raven and Karl!"

A huge swarm of fangirls arrive screaming "Raven! Raven!" and "Karl! Karl!", freaking Raven and Karl out. They are holding various signs and flags with various dorky sayings on them like "Raven is the Best! He can beat all the rest! We know he can! Kill that loser, Van!" and "Karl is really hot! He never misses a shot! We really like his chin! We know he will win!" Biowolf waits a few minutes before releasing Jamie the Madman to chase them all away.

Biowolf: "Okay, and the winner is…..(_thinks of all the horrible things fangirls are capable of doing_)….Hiltz. He is the winner."

Raven and Karl: "WHAT!"

Karl: "He wasn't a choice!"

Raven: "Yeah!"

Biowolf: "Do you dare face the wrath of me and Jamie the Madman?"

Karl: "…..You know, Hiltz is pretty good-looking."

Raven: "….Yeah. I guess it's okay if he wins."

Biowolf: "Are you sure?"

Raven and Karl look at Jamie, who is looking at them with glowing red eyes.

Raven and Karl: "Yeah."

Biowolf: "Good. Anyway, both of you guys are hot. It's too hard to choose one of you."

Karl: "Yeah, that and you have a crush on Hiltz."

Biowolf: "Say that again and I'll feed you to Jamie."

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Biowolf: "Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this weird chapter. So review or face the madness of Jamie."


	4. The Phone Game Show

Author's notes: Due to the many reviews I got for this fic, I decided to write the next chapter. ^_^  I bet that makes you soooo happy, huh? I worked for over four hours on this chapter and it's over eight pages long, so I really hope you do like it.

The Phone Game Show

      Biowolf and a bunch of characters from Zoids Zero and Chaotic Century/Guardian Force are in a large room. Biowolf sits in a chair facing two groups of characters, the groups divided into what series the characters belong to. Beside Biowolf are a large cannon with pictures of phones on it and a table with index cards on it. Jamie the Madman is chained to a pole, gagged, and ten feet away from anything. His lethal Axe of Doom is locked in a box near Biowolf. His Zoid, the new-and-improved Axe Raynos, is in a hangar elsewhere. The Zoids characters and chained to their chairs, since most of them were unwilling to come. For Van's safety, he is seated as far away as possible from Raven.

Biowolf: "We're going to do things a little differently this time. Instead of the usual thing, we're going to have a game show! That includes phones! Here's how it works; I'll ask the characters questions and they have to answer. If they refuse to answer a question, they will have all different sorts of phones blasted at them from my Phone Cannon, which is sitting right next to me, until they answer. If they really bug me, I'll have Jamie do something evil and cruel to them. And at the end, I'll give out a special prize, a golden magical cell phone, to whoever behaves themselves the best! One more thing, no one's allowed to speak unless I ask them a question, though I may allow exceptions, or I'll either chuck a phone at him or her or I'll have Jamie do something to him or her. That way this whole thing will be slightly organized. Got it?"

      All the characters in the Zoids Zero group; Bit, Leena, Brad, Harry, the Doc, Leon, Dr. Layon, Vega, Jack, Naomi, Polta, and Stoller; nod their heads silently, since none of them have ever met Biowolf in person before and they fear and respect her and the destructive power of Jamie. Most of the characters in the other group; Van, Fiona, Irvine, Moonbay, Zeke, Hermann, O'Connell, Rosso, and Viola; nod too. Raven and Karl give each other exasperated looks, since they've actually met Biowolf before. Shadow sits behind Raven staring at Van's nose, not paying attention to anything but it. Riece and Specular sit in the back of their group watching for any sign of pain, seemingly not noticing anything else. Hiltz watches Biowolf warily, for an obvious reason. Ambient sits behind his master and stares at Van's nose too. Dr. D is looking suspiciously at Prozen, and Thomas waves happily to Biowolf with a big grin on his face. Prozen the Amazing Albino Man stares thoughtfully at Jamie the Madman, wondering how he can take control of the incredible power the insane kid possesses. Jamie just remains silent, with his eyes randomly glowing red for brief periods of time.

Biowolf (_picks up a HUGE index card_): "First off, we have a ton of questions from Jakob der Ludner. The first question is for Bit!"

Bit: "It's for me! Nifty!"

Biowolf: "Err…yeah. So Bit, are you and the Liger Zero going to be engaged anytime soon?"

Bit (_grins_): "Who says we aren't already married?"

Biowolf and everyone besides Bit and Jamie: "Ewww!!"

Bit (_confused_): "What?!"

Biowolf (_sweatdrops_): "I'll tell you when you're older."

Brad: "Chuck a phone at him, Biowolf."

Biowolf (_grins evilly_): "Okay! (_reaches into a large box of phones near her, and then hurls a cell phone at Bit, which hits him in the head_)"

Bit (_in pain_): "Ow!! Why'd ya' do that?!"

      Riece snaps to attention when she hears Bit scream and watches what's going on closely. 

Biowolf: "Heh. Because I can. Anyway, the next question is for Leena! Did you know that the Doc never really bought your Gun Sniper? It's only on a four year lease!"

Leena (_furious_): "What!!??!! Dad!! Is that true??!!"

The Doc (_shifts guiltily in his chair_): "Well, uh…yeah. But I spent most of my money on my precious models!!"

Leena (_even madder_): "ARRRGH!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS!!!"

      The Doc's eyes become very wide when he hears this and a look of pure terror appears on his face.

Harry: "I could always-"

Biowolf: "Harry, I'm not sure if this is a good time."

Harry (_disappointed_): "But… (_looks at Jamie_)…oh, okay."

Biowolf: "The next one is for… (_looks at index card briefly_)…the Doc. Do you have a Giga Gojulas model yet?"

The Doc (_desperate_): "What?! There's a model I don't have!? I MUST get it!!"

Leena (_mad, of course_): "NO WAY!! NOT UNTIL YOU FULLY PAY FOR MY GUN SNIPER!!!"

The Doc: "But…"

Leena: "NO!!!"

The Doc (_unhappy_): "…yes, master."

Leena (_happy_): "Good!"

Biowolf: "Okay. Jamie, would you trade your Raynos for Jakob's Axe Godos?"

Jamie: "Mmmph mmm mmph!"

Biowolf: "He says that no, he wouldn't trade it for your Axe Godos, but if it was an Axe Gojulas…maybe he would."

Jamie: "Mmmph!"

Biowolf: "Hey Brad! Ever put salt in your coffee? It tastes good…according to Jakob."

Brad: "I had salty coffee once when I went to Fiona's place for dinner."

Biowolf: "Did you like it?"

Brad: "I spent half an hour in the bathroom hurling up everything I ate and drank that day afterwards."

Biowolf: "Soo…you don't like it?"

Brad: "Gee. How'd you figure that out?"

Biowolf: "Haha, funny guy. (_chucks a phone at Brad_)"

Brad: "OW!"

Riece (_drools_): "Pain…I love it."

Polta: "You are one weird chick!"

Stoller: "I agree."

Biowolf (_makes a mental note reminding herself to stay the heck away from Riece_): "Okay! Now for the next question! Layon, which flavor of noodles do you like best?"

Layon (_thinks for a moment_) "Uhhh…I like papaya flavored noodles the best."

Biowolf: "Do they really have that flavor?"

Van: "Uh-huh. I eat it everyday for lunch!"

Biowolf: "Ooookaaaay. So Vega, how long is your you-know-what?"

Vega (_eyes nearly pop out of head_): "I DON'T THINK THAT'S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!"

Biowolf (_smiles_): "It's okay. You don't have to tell us. We'll just ask your girlfriend when you get one."

Vega: "HEY!!"

Biowolf: "Heh. So Harry, will you get off Leena's case? Also, Jakob will be your business partner. He can get you all access to Leena if you give him all of your Zoids."

Harry (_shocked_): "He…he can? Leena? Be close to Leena? (_faints_)"

Biowolf: "Uh….I guess that means yes. Van, Jakob wants to know if you're obsessed with anything."

Van (_drools_):  "Yeah…papayas."

Biowolf (_mutters to herself_): "I'm surrounded…(_then louder_) So Fiona, how come you like coffee so much? Jakob thinks you and Brad should hang out."

Fiona (_smiles innocently_): "I like to drink lots of coffee because I mix all my drugs…uh, I mean salt into it."

Brad: "No way I'm hanging out with her."

Biowolf: "I don't blame you. Anyway, Thomas, Jakob wants you to get over Fiona. He can get you a girlfriend if you do."

Thomas (_very thoughtful_): "Hmmm…well, maybe. If you can find me a girlfriend who doesn't live off drugs, then yeah! I can get over her!"

Biowolf: "But you have to give him your Dibison and Beek in return."

Thomas: "NO WAY!!!"

Biowolf: "Okay, okay. Suit yourself. Now a question for Karl!"

      Karl flinches.

Biowolf: "Jakob wants to know if he can have your Iron Kong and paint it pink?"

Karl (_shrugs_): "Fine with me. I like my Saber Tiger better any way."

Biowolf: "Yay! A positive answer! Now for the next question. Moonbay, have you ever considered piloting a Hovercargo?"

Moonbay: "Yeah, I have, but I like piloting an Ultrasaurus better."

Biowolf: "Jakob says he'll pay you a lot of money if you pilot a Hovercargo."

Moonbay: "Hovercargos are the best form of transportation out there."

Biowolf (_grins_): "Uh-huh. Irvine, does your eye patch have x-ray vision?"

Irvine: "……..maybe. What's it to you?"

Biowolf: "Heheh…pervert. And now one for Dr. D! Would you let Jakob join your team of researchers? He'll give you plans for weapons."

Dr. D: "Tell him that if he can get me 100 liters of Fiona's 'special coffee', then he's in."

Biowolf: "How many of you are on drugs?"

      Fiona, Dr. D, Jack, and the Doc raise their hands.

Biowolf (_sweatdrops_): "You four need help. Anyway, Raven, would you trade your Geno Breaker to Jakob for his King Gojulas, which you can use to squish Van?

Raven (_flatly_): "No."

Biowolf: "Don't you have anything else to say?"

Raven: "No."

Biowolf: "You sure?"

Raven: "Yes."

Biowolf: "Reeeaaally?"

Raven (_glares at Biowolf_): "Do you want me to tell everyone what you did to Hiltz?"

Biowolf (_panics_): "NO! Sorry to bother you Raven."

Karl (_to Biowolf_): "You sicken me."

      Hiltz remains suspiciously quiet and still throughout the entire conversation.

Biowolf (_makes face at Karl_): "Whatever. So Rosso, is your hair really weird or what?"

Rosso: "No… (_sniffles and starts to cry while Viola comforts him_)…yes."

Biowolf: "Okaaay. (_looks down at index card and grins_) Oooo…there's a question for Hiltz!!"

Hiltz (_sighs_): "What is it?"

Biowolf (_still grinning_): "Why do you like red so much?"

Hiltz: "It's my favorite color. Besides, blood is red."

Biowolf: "I like red too."

Karl: "I thought you told me your favorite color is green."

Biowolf (_glares at Karl_): "Shut up! (_chucks a cell phone at Karl_)"

Karl: "Ow!"

Naomi: "Heh!"

Biowolf: "Ermm…yeah. So Riece, have you found out that Raven is actually a sick little pervert who has fantasies about Shadow?"

Raven (_pissed off_): "WHAT!!?? I DO NOT!"

Riece: "I like suffering."

Biowolf: "We know you do."

Raven: "I AM NOT A PERVERT!!"

Biowolf: "Okay. Whatever you say, Raven."

      Raven glares furiously at everyone, as if daring them to challenge what he said.

Biowolf: "Now we have questions from Iron Kong 21! The first one is for Riece. Did you ever try to manipulate Raven into sleeping with you?"

Riece: "No, but I manipulated Prozen into sleeping with me."

Biowolf: "What!? Prozen, is this true?"

      Prozen says nothing but just stares at Jamie.

Biowolf: "Okay…whatever. Fiona, since you're pregnant, are you sure Van's the father?"

Fiona (_smiles innocently_): "No. It might be Van, but it could also be Dr. D or Prozen."

Biowolf: "Whoa, Prozen, you've been busy, haven't you?"

      Prozen again says nothing, but cocks an eyebrow at Biowolf.

Biowolf: "And it's just…sick…to think of Dr. D being with Fiona."

Irvine: "I agree."

Brad: "Me too."

Biowolf: "Are you straight, Van?"

Van: "I think so, but I'm not sure if doing papayas counts as gay?"

Thomas: "Sounds gay to me."

Karl: "I second that."

Raven: "HAHA! Van is gay!!"

Van: "…I am?"

Biowolf (_sweatdrops_): "You're an idiot, Van."

Raven: "I AGREE!"

      Naomi, Polta, Stoller, Hermann, Harry, and O'Connell nod their heads in agreement.

Karl (_mutters to himself_): "I'm surrounded."

Hiltz (_overhears Karl, leans towards him, and whispers_): "I know how you feel."

Biowolf: "Okay. Now we have questions from 'Kyoko, MM-chan, and Edward'. (_looks down at index card_). I'll answer the first one. You can't have Jamie the Madman because he's mine and I need him to control all the other characters. Now a question for Raven. Will you let MM-chan cling to your leg?"

Raven (_smiles a very Dilandau-like smile_): "Sure. That is, if you don't mind me killing you two seconds later.

Biowolf: "Okay. I suggest you don't attempt to attach yourself to Raven's leg, then. And now a question for me!! (_looks down at index card_) Sure! Ed can come keep Jamie company, but I'll have to chain him up and gag him like I always do with Jamie."

Karl: "You're a very cruel person."

Biowolf (_grins_): "Thank you!"

Thomas (_sweatdrops_): "I don't think my brother meant that as a compliment."

Biowolf: "Really? Oh, well, whatever. And now for 'MeMyself&Irene''s question! Will Jamie marry 'Me''s sister?"

Jamie: "Mmmm….mmmph mmm mmph!"

Biowolf: "Jamie says sure, but you have to give him all the axes he wants!"

Karl: "Do you realize that supporting Jamie's destructive power is BAD?"

Biowolf (_grins innocently_): "Noooo…well anyway, let's move on to the next person with questions, which happens to be Flames Fire. (_looks down at index card_) Van, can Flames Fire borrow Zeke so he (I'm assuming you're a boy. Forgive me if I'm wrong) can take him apart and study him?"

Van: "No!"

Raven: "I'll capture Zeke and give him to you."

Van: "No you won't Raven!"

Raven (_grins evilly_): "I don't see how you can stop me."

Van: "I can stop you!"

Raven (_sarcastically_): "Uh-huuh…"

Van: "Shut up!"

      Raven just grins happily in response, since he always enjoys making Van frustrated.

Biowolf: "Well, if you two are done now, let's go to the next question. Raven, did you know that when you pick on people and try to hurt them you're really just flirting?"

Raven: "IF YOU'RE SAYING THAT I'M…FLIRTING WITH VAN THEN YOU'VE ARE COMPLETELY WRONG! I WOULD NEVER EVEN DREAM OF DOING ANYTHING BUT HATING VAN AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN THEN I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU!!"

Biowolf: "Raven! That's enough! You've made you're point already!"

Raven: "Good!"

Biowolf (_rolls eyes_): "Hey Bit, did you ever get that phone out of your ass?"

Bit (_starts crying_): "No…I didn't."

Brad: You mean it's still up there?"

Bit (_crying_): "…yes."

      Brad grins cruelly thinking about how he could take advantage of Bit's situation.

Biowolf (_looks at Brad_): "I want to know every detail of what you're going to do to Bit."

Brad (_smiles_): "Sure thing!"

Bit (_sniffles_): "What are you talking about?"

Biowolf (_grins innocently_): "Nothing. (_looks down at index card_) Ermm…I really don't want to sic Jamie on Harry, since Harry's a good guy, really. Now for questions from AnythingAnime! Van, do you think of Raven in any 'other' way than an enemy?"

Van (looks at Raven, who gives him the middle finger, and drools): "Yeah…food…papaya…"

Raven (_hisses_): "Stay away from me freak."

Biowolf: "On behalf of all the Raven fans out there, I must do this. (_aims Phone Cannon at Van and presses a button on it. Various phones shoot out of it and hit Van multiple times._)"

Van (_in pain_): "…ow…"

Raven: "AHAHAHAHAHAA!!"

Biowolf (_grins happily_): "I've always wanted to do that! Now we have another question for Van! Are you sure you're attracted to girls? Maybe you have a thing for Thomas?"

Van: "…ow…I like…papayas."

Biowolf and everyone else: "…"

Van: "What?!"

Biowolf: "Err…nothing. Hey, Irvine! Have you ever had a thing for any male characters?"

Irvine (_looks at Jamie_): "Well…there was this one night I spent with Prozen…"

Biowolf: "Damn it, Prozen! Why are you so freaking weird!?"

Prozen (_deciding to actually speak for the first time_): "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Biowolf (_freaked out_): "Man, it's like everyone's with Prozen. Now a question for Raven. Would you ever go out with anybody, if so who, and if not…can AnythingAnime hug you?"

Raven: Here's my answers; no, nobody, and no."

Biowolf (_sweatdrops_): "What's with you today Raven? You're so boring."

Raven: "I hate you. I hate you for dragging me here, I hate you for chaining me to this chair, and I hate you for forcing me to participate in this stupid thing. I know I did it once before, and that's how I learned that this whole thing is horrible, and the worst part is that I can't do anything about it because of him. (glares at Jamie)"

Karl: "I think it's actually not that bad…"

Raven: "_Shut…up_."

Biowolf: "I think we'd better leave him alone. He's cranky."

      Raven glares at everyone and everything.

Biowolf: "Okaay…Karl, uh…., if you and Thomas 'did it', would you mind being on the bottom?"

Karl (_eyes nearly pop out of head_): "!!!"

Thomas (_eyes nearly pop out of head_): "!!!"

Biowolf: "Uh….huh. I'll take that as a no. So…Bit, did you dream about Raven last night?"

Bit (_grins_): "Uh-huh!"

Raven: "I'm going to kill you…"

Bit: "Why?"

Biowolf: "I think we should move on, so that Raven doesn't get even more pissed off at everything. Leon, AnythingAnime will get you a body guard, a cat from the underworld, for only a night on the town with her."

Leon: "Hmmm…okay, but if she tries to get me in bed with her then I'll have to resort to attacking her with my Blade Liger."

Biowolf: "Okay! Harry, you're really gay, aren't you? You just use Leena as a cover-up, don't you?"

Harry (_ticked that he was called gay_): "No! I really do love Leena!!"

      At this point, Leena tries to make herself as unnoticeable as possible in an attempt to hide from Harry. 

Biowolf: "Okay, okay! You're not gay. So…Thomas, have you ever spied on Karl when he was changing or taking a shower?"

Thomas: "Well…"

Karl: "What!? You looked at me while I was changing or taking a shower?!"

Thomas: "It was an accident! I saw you changing through a crack in the door!! It's not my fault!!"

Karl: "Well…I suppose if it was an accident…then I forgive you."

Thomas (_grins_): "Thanks, Karl."

Biowolf: "…that was unexpected. Now for questions from Mercenary Zia Darksaix! Jamie, she's willing to support you on your campaign of destruction!"

Jamie: "Mmph!"

Biowolf: "Jamie says thanks! And there's one for Harry! She'd go out on a date with you if Leena won't."

Harry: "Really? Wow. No one's ever wanted to go out with me before!"

Biowolf (_looks down at index card for a moment_): "Now questions from Schala85! And there's one for me! Why am I attracted to Hiltz? Err… (_goes into fangirl drooling mode_) I think it's his personality…and voice…and hair…and eyes…and intelligence…"

Hiltz (_sweatdrops_): "Could you…not talk about me like that right now…with all these other people here?"

Biowolf: "Okay, if you say so."

      Everyone except Biowolf sighs in relief.

Biowolf: "Anyway, Leena, why don't you just kill your stalker?"

Leena: "I can't. My stalker has strange powers that make him super lucky and unable to kill."

Harry: "Who's your stalker?"

Biowolf (_sweatdrops_): "…the invisible man."

Harry: "Really?"

Biowolf: "…yes. Karl, Schala85 says that you're the greatest! And she thanks you for saying that you'll go out with her. And could you give her one of those hats you wear?"

Karl (_smiles_): "Sure! Do you want me to autograph it?"

Biowolf: "I'm sure she would like you to. And how did you survive when you self-destructed that base? Schala85 thought you had died and she was so sad…"

Karl: "Don't worry, I was okay. I ducked under a table so that I wouldn't get hit by debris."

Biowolf: "Cool! And Jamie, what does the Wild Eagle think of your current mental condition?"

Jamie: "Mmph mmm!"

Biowolf: "He says that the Wild Eagle is very happy about it! And now for questions from Sick Little Fiend! Wow! The first one for Hermann! Why don't you have any fangirls, since you're sooo cute, but you'd be cuter if you'd stop gelling your hair?"

Hermann: "I do have fangirls, just not that many. And I need to gel my hair because if it gets in my eyes when I'm in a Zoid battle, then I could be killed."

O'Connell: "That's right! One of the most important things of being a soldier is to make sure that your hair won't get in your eyes in battle!"

Biowolf: "Riiiight…now for Aries of Attitude's questions. Karl, you're engaged to Shelly's character."

Karl: "I am?"

Biowolf: "Yep. And Thomas, would you go out with Aries?"

Thomas (_smiles_): "Sure!"

Biowolf: "Almost done! The last person with questions is Knight of Light! Raven, what would happen if Knight destroyed your Geno Breaker and Shadow and your anti-fangirl spray with his white Blade Liger? Would you try to kill him (I'm assuming you're a guy)?"

Raven (_evilly_): "…yes."

Biowolf (looks down at index card): "And now a question for me!! Of course I'd let you borrow Jamie to destroy your school! Schools are bad and therefore must be destroyed!"

Jamie: "Mmmph!"

Everyone else (_sweatdrop_): "…"

Biowolf: "So Doc, where'd you get your Zoid models?"

The Doc: "Off the internet."

Leena: "Uh-huh. And you'd better pay for my Gun Sniper. Or else!"

The Doc (_panicked_): "Eheheh…of course, dear."

Biowolf: "And another one for Leon. Can Knight become your body guard to help protect you from fangirls and can he join the Fluegel Team?"

Leon: "Well, since he does have a Blade Liger, then sure!!"

Biowolf: "Good! Now I have a question to ask Shadow and Ambient! Why have you two been staring at Van's nose for this whole time?"

Shadow: "Rraarr."

Ambient: "Rrrr."

Raven: "They said that Van has a booger up his nose and they've been watching it."

Biowolf: "That's soo...weird."

Van: "I have a booger? (_picks nose_)"

Everyone but Van: "Ewwwww!!"

Biowolf: "Okaaaaay, well, that's all of the questions, so now it's time to give out the special award, which is a golden magical cell phone!"

Brad: "What does it do?"

Biowolf: "It grants three wishes and then becomes a normal cell phone."

Brad: "Cool! (_grins evilly_) I want it!"

Biowolf: "Hmm…now who should I give it to? (_thinks for a minute_) I know! I'm going to give it to a person who didn't make any smart remarks, insulted me, or screamed at me (_looks at Raven_), and was always positive and cheerful! I'm giving the magical golden cell phone to Thomas!"

Thomas: "Me!?"

Everyone but Thomas and Biowolf: "Damn!"

Biowolf (_walks over and gives the cell phone to Thomas_): "Here ya' go."

Thomas (_smiles_): "Thanks!"

Biowolf: "I have one more thing to do. (_walks over to Jamie and unlocks him from his chains_) Jamie, I need you to harass Van and Bit for two weeks, got it?"

Van and Bit (_panicked and horrified_): "What?!!"

Jamie snickers evilly and his eyes glow red. Bit and Van scream like little girls and/or Stinger, break out of their chairs, and run as fast as possible out of the room with Jamie following them while laughing like a maniac. Raven cracks up and laughs so hard that he starts to cry. The rest of them just smirk at Bit and Van's misfortune.

Biowolf (_grins happily_): "Well, that's it for this chapter. I hope you enjoyed it! And now I need to have some 'quality time' with Hiltz!"

Hiltz (_sweatdrops_): "…again?!"

Biowolf: "Yep! (_grabs Hiltz and drags him away_) See ya! And don't forget to review!"


End file.
